My Vulnerability is My Strength
I’ve struggled with valuing myself most of my life. Always apologizing for everything, whether I was in the wrong or not. I’d find myself holding my breath the words “I’m sorry” hovering on my lips, catching in my throat. An emotional trigger buried deep in my cellular memories.
“I’m sorry” for what I was asked repeatedly by my mentor and dear friend Diane, and then by my sweet soul-sister-shaman friend Sirrka. “What are you sorry for?”
“I….I….?????”
“For breathing.”
“For being.”
“For existing.”
“For being a burden.”
“For…………….you name it I owned it….. every inconceivable, human transgression. I was the bearer of universal pain and suffering. Most of which I had no real claim to own, simply the legacy of being human, in an in-humane world. The list was long and plentiful and made for some interesting past-life regressions, cellular memory reprogramming and powerful soul-retrievals over the past 20+ years.
Much of what I was apologizing for as my personal transgressions were rooted in the fine art of being human and the “sins” of my father spelled out and defined in the pages of a little black book that holds an a ray of scripted metaphors laced with poison for the soul. That of which is food for another muse.
I have come thus far through this human journey understanding that my value is not dependent on anyone’s opinion of who and what I am. Nor on what I bring to the table. My value is based simply on being here now. I Am G.O.D. in pure essence and for that I am valuable. I need not pin my value on limiting beliefs that hold no substance or value to the condition of the human condition formed by words written lifetimes ago from a patriarchal society that does not KNOW ME. Nor by a human race that has placed more value on words written on rice paper then they do on the humans they co-create their existance with.
“I am sorry” was my mantra for so much of my life and in turn the vibe in which I created the experience I attracted into my life until it no longer was. Until I was able to wear my value with humility while carrying my body with confidence and grace. At which time those who did not value my G.O.D. self no-longer resonated with me and in turn no-longer held valuable space in my life.
Owning my personal value held the currency to my freedom from a life that was shackled by misinformation peddled by dime-store profits. No human has the power to brand another with their personal transgressions nor do they hold the power to anoint holy forgiveness by water tainted by their own hands for sins that were not mine/yours to hold.
I/you dictate our personal value and expression of our Divine G.O.D. No other. We are the gem we seek. We are the holy grail. No one can take that away from us unless we carelessly squander pearls before swine because we do not value the value we hold so dear.
I have come to learn that in valuing myself I am more mindful of the people, places, times and events I choose to attract into my experiences. In valuing myself and without judgement I am much more discerning on the energy I invite into my personal space. At times I have let my empathy over ride my value. The exchange has been too costly. I am getting better at my discernment. It is a process for sure.
I am valuable. I am valuable. I am valuable. You are valuable. You are valuable. You are valuable. Namate
